Monthly Archives: December 2012

What Really Matters

This week I am at home but I am still working out hard and watching my diet. The Holidays are not a time to be lax but they are time to spend with family and those that are most important to you. Family is what you have at the end of the day.

Even though I am on vacation, I am enjoying amazing workouts that are kicking my butt. It was so hard but worth the pain. I did body combat and tabata training at Studio 57 in Lubbock on Friday and Body Pump today there as well.  Even on travel you have to find something that you enjoy to do. I enjoy group classes because of the motivation I receive from the instructors especially when I am at home. It helps make the workout seem less than a workout and more of a social event.

I have been slacking on documenting my food journal. I am doing as well as I can to keep track in my head. Starting Monday I am going start tracking again. These last couple days have been hard with parties and travelling but I have lost 4 pounds so I couldn’t have been that bad J.

My loyalty to people was questioned this week. In this process I am being loyal to myself and doing what is good for me and no one else. Am I being selfish…yes but this time I need to be selfish. Outside of this process… I am loyal to my family first and foremost. I a few friends that are in my inner circle that are considered family and I would take a bullet for them and them for me. I am loyal to them and have never turned my back on them.  And those loyal to me have my back. When I say the word “I love you”…I really mean it. And I only say it to a few people and those people know who they are.

I have also had to be meaner to someone than I am normally am because they questioned the motives of the people around me. I know better than because I was taught better. I was taught that you don’t have to be mean to people to get your point across and the fact I had to be mean to them kills me…but  I am very grateful that they are out of my life and let them keep their drama with them.

The holiday season is about family and friends. After the awful events that happened Connecticut, it is important put family first. Everyone has a different definition on what family and that is fine. Spend time on those that matter the most to you and for those you don’t….don’t spend time worrying about them…you will stronger without them.

Fading into the Background…….

RIP to the girl you used to see…..her days are over….

The other day, I was speaking with someone to whom I look up to tremendously. This person told
me something that really hit home in many areas of my life – that I need more confidence in what I
do. This person said I have the ability the confidence I lack is holding me back. It is keeping me from
getting ahead in life.

When I look at myself I don’t see anything special. I think because I still wear some of the same clothes
as before, I feel like I am the same person as before. I am working on that but it is slow process. My
parents have always shown me how to see the beauty in everything but I am still learning to find it in
myself.

For the longest time at Studio Vida! I worked out in the corner. I wanted to work out but I wanted to
blend in and not be seen. And if I am in the corner no one can see me or judge me. I could leave when I
wanted to and no one would know. I could be a wall flower. I am still more comfortable being that wall
flower but it is time to change. It is time to grow up and realize that I can’t be afraid of people judging
me. I am trying not to be afraid anymore. You would have thought (certainly not me) that I would get
up on stage in front of 500 people and dance with DA BOSS!! I am learning to have more confidence in
myself and that is helping me shine.

I still want to blend in…I don’t see what other people see in me. I still have clothes that I keep wearing
that are 2 or 3 sizes too big. It was really hard for me to get rid of some of my clothes and I am working
on getting rid of the rest. Once I get rid of all the clothes…I think I will see the new me.

I am working on who I am and how I represent myself and those important to me. I have to believe
that I am smart, beautiful, pretty …and most importantly that I am worth it. This is not journey or
process…this is the rest of my life and welcome to it……..

6 month Appointment and Angel Wings

Spread_Pink_Angel_Wings_by_Shadoweddancer

 

 

I had my sixth month doctor’s appointment on Friday. Everything went really well. All my levels are normal. The only things that I really need to work on are the eating and sleeping. I need to make sure that I get enough calories in my system to support my workouts. My bloodwork was perfect. They said that they were impressed with how well I was doing. And I am down officially 80 pounds. I lost a small child and that crazy. I am learning to appreciate the small victories as well as the big ones.  I have stuff that I am going treat with myself that are not food for each victory.

I took it light on the work outs this past weekend…just doing one zumba clas and one body pump class.

There are lots of things changing for me lately. School and this weight loss transformation are the biggest changes in my life. I am starting a new adventure in life and I am a little scared. I am going to be joining a executive program at ASU and I have some doubts. Can I hang with people are who are older and wiser than I am? Can I impress them? Only time will tell….

My friend Jen and I got some angel wing bracelets to remind us that we can be free from any situation. It has taken me a while to realize that I can run from those what to steal my dreams or crush my plans. I am conquering every obstacle with love for myself and my head up high. For so long I listened to those who said I can’t and part of this transformation is to change that. I am not to going to let me people break me anymore.   I am so grateful in three days I get to see my mom…she is my pillar of strength and my life. My family is my life and I need some time with them.

Below is my food journal for the last few days.

78

Letting Go

cant

Letting go………….

“In the process of letting go, you will lose many things from your past, but you will find  yourself”…Deepak Chopra.

Today I said goodbye to two important things that were holding me back. Today I said goodbye to more clothes. I also said goodbye to some negative people in my life.   It was a sad day.  I think that I will miss my clothes more than people. After this past week I am learning who and what matters the most. Sometimes it’s the excess baggage that will keep you from going forward.

I can’t surround myself with people who are going to drag me down. Everything I am not makes me everything that I am. I am who I am and if you don’t like it, please understand that I can’t be around you. For the first time ever, I have deleted several people from facebook. I can’t be around those who want to pass judgment. I don’t have the emotional strength to deal with everyone who wants to judge. I am learning there are only a few people who matter and those are the ones I chose to focus on right now.

My workout was simple today…just a zumba class. Wow that is a powerful statement. There was a time where I could not do a whole zumba class and now I need more than just a class to feel like I got workout….look how far I have come and continue to go. Super excited!!!

I am getting ready for the next week. Cooking my meals and going grocery shopping was a lot work but its done and I am ready for the week. I hope that everyone has a good week!!!

My food journal for the week was:

day4

Dream

pride

Dream…Even if it breaks your heart. …

This has been a crazy week. I am tired. I am sore and I hurt. I have felt every emotion this week. I can’t believe how sore and tired I am. I think I need a break. In ten days I get to go home and rest. Rest is so important during this process. I am having mild issues sleeping. Somehow every night I wake up at 4 and I end up watching a movie for an hour before going to work. Probably not the best use of my time but it is what it is.

I am not working out today. Taking one day off a week is important. It is important that you don’t burnout on exercise. I think I have burned out this week. I need a break. I need a complete break from working out and I am ok with that.

Last night I went out. I went out with one of my sorority sisters. I love her. She gave me the strength to go and have a drink and feel normal again. We went to a country bar and saw an amazing concert. I am very grateful to have sisters who will do anything in their power to make me feel comfortable.  I got dressed up, put my hair up, put on makeup and finally felt like a girl. She let me crash on her couch and we woke up and spent the day shopping. It was an amazing day and day I needed to recoup.

No matter what, at the end of the day, this is my dream. One of my dreams…and I have many…is to be healthy and fit. Once I am healthy and fit, I can go skydiving on the Gold Coast of Australia, Climb the Sydney Bridge, and feel comfortable wearing a bathing suit in Bora Bora. I can do whatever I want to and there will be no limits on what I can do.  This dream has caused a lot of tears. There are times that I feel incredibly lonely. I have to leave my workouts or meals because I am not like everyone else because I cannot stop the tears from coming and I refuse to cry in front of others.  But I know I am getting stronger and every day I become a little bit stronger.

My food Jounral for the Day is:

day3

Trying

winning

Today was a great day at work. I am having a little issue taking in enough calories. I am not just hungry. I have to force down food and it’s not always appetizing. My coworker had some French fries and offered me one. I took one and it was disgusting. I could not believe that six months ago I would eat a whole tray of them and not even think about it. Now I am conscious about food and scared. I would rather eat nothing than anything. I need to calories so that I can work out. If you don’t work out consistently then you could have excess skin and that is another fear of mine. I am realizing all these little fears and sometimes they feel like they are eating at me.  Time to get some protein in so I can conquer workouts.

Working out tonight is a little scary. I have not worked out with my trainer in a few days and I don’t know if I can do it. Then he has the insane stretch and abs class. I am worried that I can’t do it. For some crazy reason, I can talk myself out of working out. I have to stay strong and keep working out.  Note: After working out…the stretch and abs class was awesome. I could do about 80% of the exercises…which btw is way more than I have been able to do in a long time.

My food Journal for the day is:day6

Getting Started

december

Day 1 of this crazy adventure begins. My goal of 100 pounds in one year is a lot, though I am at 6 months post op and already down by 80. I don’t know if I can do it but I will try. I am still nervous and scared. I wake up every morning around 4 am freaking out because I am so scared that I will fail at this. No one knows how hard this really is until you have to go through it. Everyone thinks that the surgery is the easy way out and its not easy. The amount of vitamins I have to take on a daily basis is crazy. Just the vitamins alone are insane.

I need to work hard at not talking myself out of this crazy plan. I have so much self doubt and need so much more self confidence…it is almost sad. We are always harder on ourselves than others.  I can do it…I can do it…I can do it…right?

Ugh…I am super tired. But I have to work out today or I won’t work out the rest of the week. My workout plan for the day is to do bodypump and zumba. But what I actually did was just ½ a class of zumba and a full class of bodypump. I had to turn in a paper for school the night before and was exhausted. But I am learning that even if you are exhausted…you have to keep going…keep doing something. As long as I am moving…I am winning.

If you want to see what I am eating on a daily basis…please follow me on my fitness pal…username: asharao.

 

My food journal for the day is: